What Has Magic Touched that It Hasn't Spoiled

“Fenris look at me,” Hawke spoke softly as she bent down and cupped Fenris’s face into her hands, her eyes pleading for him to understand. He refused to make eye contact with her, his olive eyes dashing everywhere but her hazel ones. He instead spent his time taking in the décor that surrounded him. From observing the beige speckled walls to the many shields and swords that hung on her walls. He smiled to himself, each had their own story and each had seen their share of crimson blood. He was about to rest his gaze on the fireplace when he crossed paths with her extraordinary hazel eyes. He found himself incapable of looking away, those eyes of hers was his greatest weakness – besides the love he had in his heart for her.

“I’ll be okay my love,” she spoke even softer and he sighed, opening his mouth but before he could utter a single word his ears twitched at the loud thumping on the stairs and the high squealed scream.

“Mommy! Daddy!” a small girl shouted as she stumbled once her feet left the staircase. She was able to catch herself and gave them a cheeky grin before slowly closing the gap between them. The two parents smiled widely at the hybrid that stood before them, her ears mostly rounded but the tip had a fine point.

“Yes Kit?” Hawke asked with a raised eyebrow, not wanting to give Fenris a chance to escape the conversation that they had recently delved into.

“Look what I can do!” Kit narrowed her eyes on her hands and her parents sat in silence, their hearts skipping beats as a faded blue mist began to escape her fingertips. Sticking her tongue out just a bit Kit put all of her energy into the task at hand, the blue mist forming around her hand shifting their color to white and their shape becoming more rounded as it became snow.

“I can make it snow!” Kit screamed in happiness. Hawke stood up, looking over at Bodahn and Sandal.

“Leave us,” she ordered and Bodahn nodded quickly and began to usher Sandal out of the room.

“But enchantment!” Sandal voiced before disappearing in the next room. Hawke turned her attention to Kit, glancing over at Fenris who looked confused and miserable.

“I’m like you mommy!” Kit smiled as she wrapped her arms around Harley’s shoulders and hugged her lovingly, the small child overjoyed that she was like her mother. Harley smiled as she hugged her beloved child back, pulling her away and looking deep into Kit’s slightly hazel-olive eyes.

“You are honey, do you remember what I always say about my power?”

“That they’re a gift and you must be resconcicle!” Hawke laughed too herself as she nodded her head.

“Responsible my dear. And yes, you must now be responsible too.”

“How?” Kit titled her head to the side in confusion, her long white hair immediately moving with her.

“Mommy will teach you how when she returns,” Hawke told and it was then that Fenris stiffened, darting his eyes over to her and narrowing them only to find her gazing back at him.

“Where are you going?”

“To help a friend,” she responded and kissed Kit on the forehead before sending her off,

“I’m going, whether or not you like it.” And with that Hawke turned and made her way upstairs leaving Fenris with a table full of problems now. Varric had wrote to Hawke, asking her for help in an important matter and Hawke immediately wanted to go – to go be the hero. Of course Fenris disagreed, after the events that recently shook Kirkwall he wanted to stay away from anything, he wanted to live peacefully with his lover and child. But of course, with Hawke as your lover – how peaceful could you truly get?

---

Fenris’s heart began to thump harder and harder as his eyes darted across the ink on the parchment before him. Was it truly his heart? No that couldn’t be what was thumping for the letter had ripped his heart out and tossed it aside, he had no such organ anymore. Fenris clenched his eyes closed, trying to silence the thousands of thoughts flying through his mind after reading the last words.

Varric.

Fenris leaned back in his chair, finally letting go of a breath that he didn’t know he was keeping in. He opened his eyes and immediately tears began to form and crawl out. He choked on his own breaths as he again turned his attention to the letter. He read something wrong. Varric was teasing him again. Hawke was going to walk through the door any second now with a wide victorious smile, speaking as if there was never a doubt to her return.

But she didn’t. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.

Because she was now gone, she was lost to the Fade, to the damn Fade! Fenris pushed himself away from the table, anger coursing through each vein he had. She promised! She said that she would come back, that there was no way she would fall in this event! Fenris’s breathing picked up as his world became blurry, everything around him becoming disoriented and even his own voice was distant and seemed so unreal.

“You promised! You lied Hawke! You lied! You coward!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, forgetting or not caring who heard him. He turned his rage to the nearest wall, his lyrium veins sparking up a glow as he reached his hand into the wall and then back out. Splinters flew out as a giant hole stared back at him – a sign of his anger. Yet this action only caused Fenris to grow weak and even more hurt, he dropped to his knees as he cried out. His eyes red and his throat burning from all of his sobs and chokes. His heart felt as if it was in the bottom of his stomach if it was even there, was this how his victims felt when he reached within and decimated their hearts? If so then he prayed to the Maker for forgiveness, no one should ever have to feel the pain he was currently going through.

“Daddy?” Kit asked as she opened the door, the family’s mabari beside her as if to help her as she had just awoken. Kit eyed her sobbing father and walked over to him, growing scared as she had never seen her father cry. She crept forward slowly, reaching out to grab him when she saw his body markings glow. His actions were much quicker than hers and she found her small fragile body pinned up against the wall. She squealed out in fear as she looked into her father’s eyes yet his grasp on her fell as Fenris realized what had happened. He shook his head, his tears falling out even faster now.

Fenris tried to apologize but the words never escaped his mouth, his tongue was not working and his mouth allowed nothing but his weeps to escape. Kit stood motionless in front of her depressed father and without another word through her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Fenris pulled her closer, careful not to hug his child too tightly.

“Mommy’s not coming back is she?” Kit asked not even above a whisper. It was then that Fenris heart truly felt ripped out, Kit was no dimwitted child – she knew her mother should’ve been returned. He cursed her name. She left him all alone with their child. How could she be so stupid! It was now up to him to teach Kit how to be a mage, how to survive. Him! How was he supposed to do such thing?!

He wasn’t her. He didn’t want to be without her. He didn’t want to live without her. But he knew that he had to be strong for his daughter, regardless of what happened – he was all she had.

Yet the pain came nonetheless. She was gone, his Hawke was gone.